I've now decided to wear a bulletproof body armor from now on. It's a thought I had after my criminology professor mentioned that back in the day over half the class, himself included, would have been shot for a horrendous crime most of us have confessed to: not attending church.
I don't attend church. Minus the major holiday masses and occasional invitation to attend a friend's church, it is not something I've made a priority to do. I could easily scapegoat it, claiming that I always "accidentally" sleep in, but the truth runs a little deeper. For several years now, I've been experiencing a crisis of faith.
In high school, I was very rebellious and silently renounced religion. I started questioning my faith in regard to my troubling childhood. All through elementary and middle school I suffered from severe depression, partly due to to clinical reasons but mostly due to bullying from other students. A lot of harassment and schoolyard fights led to my attempted suicide. It was a dark time that I barely survived.
So when high school came along and things started to balance out a little more, I questioned, "Why did God allow me to through such hardships?" It took a long time to figure it out. But more questions soon arose.
A very influential time came after graduation when my friends encouraged me to attend what could only be described as "bible camp." A large chunk of my friends attended the youth group "Young Life" and they encouraged me to renew my faith by attending their summer camp. It was very helpful, but not in the way they intended.
The camp was in the beautiful mountains of Colorado and I found myself more connected to God in the middle of the lush forests rather than in the confining cabins, singing adult contemporary Christian music and taking part in prayer circles. This set forth a new path in my faith, one that is not without confusing twists and turns.
I developed an open attitude towards various ideas and beliefs. I found myself undergoing a treacherous spiritual journey involving a lot of self-questioning. I found that the most enduring spiritual path can be found in just living. The things seen in everyday life, if one allows themselves to see them, can be very influential and help achieve a better understanding of life.
To describe my faith would be very complex. Simply, I have found faith not only in Christian ideals, but Buddhist, Taoist and Hindu as well. I found myself feeling that life in too grand and complex to have a higher power that can simply be summarized in one faith. I believe in the possibility that all faiths have different interpretations that are not entirely right or wrong.
At this point in my life, I am at a crossroads. My many experiences have shown me the best and worst of people. This has led me to be more understanding and empathetic of people of various faiths and backgrounds. The one thing I have yet to understand, however, are those who use religion as a tool for discrimination and closed-mindedness.
I try to rise above it. Everyone has their own beliefs and wish to respect them all. I just wish people could be more open-minded. I grow frustrated with those people who believe that most of the world is probably going to hell. There's got to more to faith than that, right?
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