Even In Tragedy, Some Of Us Can Still Find Strength (April 2008)

Originally published for the Bismarck State College Mystician back in April, 2008.

As time passes, we sometimes forget those important moments that have helped define us. But everyone should take time to think how their lives have changed and, more importantly, those events that have made them the way they are today. For me, it's always difficult to look back because so much of my past was filled with anger and sadness.

Growing up was quite difficult for me as I was a victim of constant bullying, which led to my attempted suicide. I suffered from severe autistic spectrum disorder as a child. As a result, I was that awkward kid in the corner everyone thought was weird. Unlike most who kept to themselves, however, I was starved for attention and I constantly put myself out there. I was incredibly socially inept so I made myself an easy target for just about everyone to harass. I didn't have many friends and the few friendships I had always managed to end badly. However, the one friend I did keep ended up being one of my closest and best of friends for many years and continues today.

I eventually started to make suicide threats around school. Most didn't listen or care. The few that did pay attention would tell me things like, "Why don't you? We don't care."

I was eventually hospitalized after my parents confronted me about the "alleged" threats, unaware that I had talked myself out of an attempt that night. I had spent an hour earlier hovering over a knife I had snuck into the house, imaging how I would carry out the deed. After an hour or so I finally broke down. My parents finally barged in to confront me and though I managed to hide the knife they saw the suicide note I had left on my desk.

After a week in the hospital and a month at a partial care facility, I returned to school. The harassment continued. Several of them went as far as to say that "I should have just killed myself."

The experiences definitely had a lasting effect on me. My days in middle school were definitely the darkest, as I had a reputation of being an "angry kid" in which I would constantly get into fights. In high school, I went through a "gothic" phase, spending a lot of my time writing dark, suicide-related poetry. However, during my senior year I came to some eye-opening conclusions. I reconciled many things with myself and with my creator.

I actually consider myself lucky. I suffered a great deal and survived. I know that there are many others who have not survived similar ordeals and my sympathies go to those people and their families. However, this wasn't just a personal victory. I couldn't have survived if it weren't for my family. I owe them everything for helping through those darker times.

I look at that period now as a great test of character and strength. I probably have seen some of the worst characteristics of humanity; however, I am not cynical from it. I am a big believer in living life to the fullest and appreciating mankind for better or for worse. And despite my run-ins with the darker side of human nature, I feel like that has helped me appreciate its better traits. While people are capable of hate, fear and the mob mentality that follows, I also see how people are capable of courage and strength. There is power within people, a power that extends beyond anything that can be physically depicted. Whether you want to call it willpower or the hand of God, something exists in us that allows us to rise up against hardships. I have seen and heard of individuals who have had it far worse than I and have survived, and I honor those people.

I look at my life and look at it as a way to give others hope. To those who have suffered like I have, I want you to know that there is hope and there are people out there who care about you even when it may not feel like it.

Under The Radar: Opeth (April 2008)

Originally published for the Bismarck State College Mystician back in April, 2008

Genre: Melodic Death Metal/Progressive Metal/Swedish Folk

No underground music style has the reputation that Death Metal has - Swedish Death Metal, no less. It's seen by most as one of the most brutal and over-the-top form of metal out there. The genre has also earned the misconception of being incredibly easy - just bang on a loud, distorted guitar while screaming and growling in a microphone (which is not the case). But before anyone decides to shun all Swedish metal, they should take a gander at the progressive metal act Opeth.

With an unexpected twist of musical progression, Opeth pulls in the heaviest of metal heads with their brutal vocals, heavy but intricate guitar usage then brings the listeners to tears as their songs segue into soothing Swedish folk and jazz. Lead singer Mikael Åkerfeldt is capable of some of the deepest growls and howls and yet is able to sing some of the softest, clean vocals.

The bands has experimented by combining the old tradition of Swedish folk with the new tradition of black metal. Many of their songs follow a complex structure, combining multiple movements that jump from loud, guitar opuses to light, acoustic folk as heard in tracks such as "Ghost of Perdition." While shorter, simpler pieced like "Benighted" can be heard from time to time, most of their work ranges from seven to twelve minutes long.

The band started in 1990. They got their name from the Wilbur Smith book "The Sunbird," in which Opeth is the name of a town on the moon. Initially, they were a straight-forward black/death metal band. Witch each album, the band's work has become more diverse. The band has had many line-up changes, but Åkerfeldt has remained the driving member behind the band.

Their seventh album, Damnation, saw a drastic change as their work followed a more progressive rock style and contained only clean vocals. The album was their biggest commercial success*. However, the the band's most recent album, Ghost Reveries, returned to using death metal vocals - however, saw more clean vocal usage in their heavier tracks such as "Harlequin Forest."

While still relatively unknown in the mainstream metal sects, the band has garnered a major following across the globe as well as praise among rock critics for their diverse style. The band is going strong despite a few line-up changes after their last album. A new album has been announced to appear sometime around May this year and promises to be another great piece of metal majesty.

Notable Albums:
Ghost Reveries (2005)
Damnation (2003)
Still Life (1999)


Notable Tracks:
"In My Time of Need"
"Harlequin Forest"
"Ghost of Perdition"
"Benighted"

My Open-Mindedness Shall Come With No Disclaimer (March 2008)

Originally published for the Bismarck State College Mystician back in March, 2008.

I've now decided to wear a bulletproof body armor from now on. It's a thought I had after my criminology professor mentioned that back in the day over half the class, himself included, would have been shot for a horrendous crime most of us have confessed to: not attending church.

I don't attend church. Minus the major holiday masses and occasional invitation to attend a friend's church, it is not something I've made a priority to do. I could easily scapegoat it, claiming that I always "accidentally" sleep in, but the truth runs a little deeper. For several years now, I've been experiencing a crisis of faith.

In high school, I was very rebellious and silently renounced religion. I started questioning my faith in regard to my troubling childhood. All through elementary and middle school I suffered from severe depression, partly due to to clinical reasons but mostly due to bullying from other students. A lot of harassment and schoolyard fights led to my attempted suicide. It was a dark time that I barely survived.

So when high school came along and things started to balance out a little more, I questioned, "Why did God allow me to through such hardships?" It took a long time to figure it out. But more questions soon arose.

A very influential time came after graduation when my friends encouraged me to attend what could only be described as "bible camp." A large chunk of my friends attended the youth group "Young Life" and they encouraged me to renew my faith by attending their summer camp. It was very helpful, but not in the way they intended.

The camp was in the beautiful mountains of Colorado and I found myself more connected to God in the middle of the lush forests rather than in the confining cabins, singing adult contemporary Christian music and taking part in prayer circles. This set forth a new path in my faith, one that is not without confusing twists and turns.

I developed an open attitude towards various ideas and beliefs. I found myself undergoing a treacherous spiritual journey involving a lot of self-questioning. I found that the most enduring spiritual path can be found in just living. The things seen in everyday life, if one allows themselves to see them, can be very influential and help achieve a better understanding of life.

To describe my faith would be very complex. Simply, I have found faith not only in Christian ideals, but Buddhist, Taoist and Hindu as well. I found myself feeling that life in too grand and complex to have a higher power that can simply be summarized in one faith. I believe in the possibility that all faiths have different interpretations that are not entirely right or wrong.

At this point in my life, I am at a crossroads. My many experiences have shown me the best and worst of people. This has led me to be more understanding and empathetic of people of various faiths and backgrounds. The one thing I have yet to understand, however, are those who use religion as a tool for discrimination and closed-mindedness.

I try to rise above it. Everyone has their own beliefs and wish to respect them all. I just wish people could be more open-minded. I grow frustrated with those people who believe that most of the world is probably going to hell. There's got to more to faith than that, right?

Cupid Knows Where To Stick Those Arrows (Feb. 2008)

Originally published for the Bismarck State College Mystician back in February, 2008.

A brand new year has dawned and February is already here. That means Valentine's Day is coming and we can already feel the "love." Something is in the air alright, but it's not love. That's just the naive children shilling out handfuls of cash on their new piece of eye candy.

Many can surely guess that "investing in love and relationships" is not on New Year's resolution list. Some readers might remember the column I wrote back in October on my relationship dilemma. Well, I'm here to report that not much has changed, except for my growing disdain towards the concept.

Keep in mind, though, I don't have a cold heart. If the right girl comes along, I'm not going to push her away. It's just that I have no interest in actively searching. What reason would I have? I have become alarmed in what I have seen in other relationships and feel that I do not need to be a part of that melodrama.

I like to observe to people. I know that sounds creepy, but people intrigue me. Whenever I'm out in the community I like to observe the various unique behaviors and interactions among the people around me. One of the funniest places to observe are bars. You can truly see how deep some men are when it comes to initializing a relationship. I don't even need to drink to be entertained; the sights before me are enough at times.

I find myself enthralled with the "alpha" male's struggling and epic journey while on the hunt. He cunningly prowls across the jungle they call a dance floor. He swiftly pounces upon an unexpecting prey in the far left corner of the floor – too concerned with shaking her "booty" to beat alongside her girlfriends. She continues to chat amongst her "pack" as he makes a motion to her. Disgusted, this "refined" lady turns away from the undeserving, lowly example of the male species – until her last two strawberry daiquiris start to kick in. After the two partake in the traditional tribal grind to Baby Bash's new single, the male is satisfied in her ability to "move her body like a cyclone." The two sit alone and the male begins swooning his female, which involves getting the female to ingest a few more shots of liquor. Thus the mating ritual is complete. We can all figure out what happens next.

Surely a bar is not the best example of deep relationships, but they make up a majority of the shallow ones. And despite this one example, there are quite a few more varied experiences and observations that have me disinterested. I see younger kids who jump the gun way too soon in relationships. Three of my close friends are already engaged. One just happens to be one of my best friends. And though I'm happy for him, I pray the two actually make it. I've seen in my extended family just how bad the "marrying the high school sweetheart" scenario can go.

One problem with younger relationships is that they may have experienced enough to know the troubles they will face in married life. Some marry simply out of passion and though it may sound cold and heartless, love is not enough to survive marriage. Marriage is about commitment, compatibility and the means to maintain a household. I hate to say it, but most young couples – despite being in love – are not compatible in the long run. Passionate love can be the worst. Marriage relies on rationality, something passionate people tend to lack. An even worse scenario is when someone passionate or emotional marries someone who is more stoic and logical. Sometimes they may balance each other, but this isn't always the cause. I've seen this example in one of the most influential relationships in my life and – believe me – when a fight comes, expect to see guns ablazing.

I suppose in the long run, this is all just trivial. Valentine's Day is such a ridiculous excuse to pursue or validate a relationship. And though it sucks to always be the third, fifth or whatever wheel among all my friends, I don't wish to rush myself into hunting down a relationship just for the trend. I want something more meaningful than that. Given my lack of charisma or classic good looks, just going for a quick hook-up is not something I'll probably succeed at anyway. Instead, I'll continue in investing time in myself and growing as a person. Then when the right one comes along, I can work on developing a deeper relationship.

Under The Radar: Sigur Rós (Feb. 2008)

Originally published for the Bismarck State College Mystician back in February, 2008.

 

Genre: Experimental/Ambient

Much of today's music tries to be fast, loud and belligerent. And at times, it grows tiring and begins to all sound the same. It's time like these that may drive listeners to find something new and innovative. In the loud and occasionally bothersome world of mainstream music, some may try to find innovation in a more somber and occasionally psychedelic music forum. This is how some have come to discover the hidden Icelandic gem Sigur Rós.

Many have tried to classify Sigur Rós, sometimes inventing genre names. Dream Pop, Post-Rock and Experimental-Ambient are some of the words that have been used to describe them. The band came out out a late 80s, early 90s musical scene known around the UK as "shoe-gazer," a term to describe certain alternative and experiential groups who would stand perfectly still as they played their instruments while keeping their head to the floor as if they were gazing at their shoes.

Despite their various classifications, the group's music is a mellow mix of psychedelic noise and ethereal, ambient sound manipulation. This combination mixed with lead singer Jónsi Birgisson's falsetto voice creates a soothing and trippy musical experience. One innovative technique in sound manipulation that the band has become known for is Birgisson playing electric guitar with a cello bow followed with a unique mix of reverberation, creating a fluidic sound.

The group formed in 1994, starting with members Jónsi Birgisson (vocals, guitar), Georg Hólm (bass), and Ágúst Ævar Gunnarsson (drums). The group named themselves after Birgisson's little sister, Sigurrós, meaning "victory rose."

They released their first album Von in 1997. Keyboardist Kjartan Sveinsson joined up a year later, soon releasing a remixed version of the album titled Von brigði. Sveinsson would come to contribute much in terms of orchestral and string arrangement in their work.

Their second album Ágætis byrjun won them critical acclaim internationally. They soon developed a cult following and were getting much support from the music community, including UK favorites Radiohead and other bands such as Metallica. Many of their songs have been seen in movies such as Vanilla Sky and The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou.

Many of their albums since have grown more experimental, like their 2005 release Takk, adding more rock into their formula. The band continues to experiment and find new innovations as they recently announced a new album planned for release sometime in late 2008.

Notable Albums:
Von (1997)
Ágætis byrjun (1999)
Takk (2005)


Notable Tracks:
"Sæglópur"
"Glósóli"
"Starálfur"
"Njósnavélin"

Drop the Burger and the Beer, and Step Away From the Table! (Nov. 2007)

Originally published for the Bismarck State College Mystician back in November, 2007.

I'm outing myself, throwing myself at the mercy of the general populous, ready to take the heat for this declaration: I feel sorry for the tobacco industry – and the alcohol industry – and even the fast food industry. How awful it must be to be part of a corporate McDonald's or Jack Daniels. Or worse yet, Philip Morris Incorporated. How would it feel to make money off a product that kills millions. Well, when a company is worth billions, it probably wouldn't care. I actually admire these companies. They're the ultimate con artists. They make money off products that the general public knows is unhealthy. These people are geniuses.

My concern is the growing lack of common sense. Of course if you drink, eat or smoke too much, you're going to die early. That's one of those moments where you have to do, "D'oh!"

Whatever happened to moderation? America is suffering an epidemic of overindulgence that's reached whole new levels. We have become an "all or nothing" nation. We're either addicted or completely abstinent. There's no middle ground anymore. Just look at eating disorder. Currently, the center for Disease Control reports that 32.2 percent of Americans suffer from obesity while, according to the National Eating Disorders Association 11 million Americans suffer from either anorexia or bulimia. America concurrently has high rates for obesity as well as eating disorders. Can you say irony?

Alcohol is probably one of our biggest issues. We all know about alcoholism in this country and the endless fight that Alcoholics Anonymous endures to rid of alcohol dependence. But what about alcohol abuse. Yes, there is a difference. Alcohol dependency is a much deeper psychological condition. My issues is with people who abuse alcohol. Anyone who regularly attends a bar knows whom I'm talking about: the people who don't know when enough i enough. They start out having a single drink with their buddies and end up drunk as a skunk by the end of the night arguing with the bartender, "Come on barkeep, one more for the road?"

I feel like many people don't know personal responsibility anymore. People day in and day out take vows of abstinence. I hear it all the time. Someone consumes too much of something, so they automatically vow to never touch it again.

"I vow to never eat fast food again."

"I vow to never drink alcohol again."

"I vow to never eat sweets again."

"I vow to never play video games or watch TV again."

Many devote to complete abstinence long before it's necessary and wind up experiencing relapse. This is because when people completely abstain from something, they are still allowing it to control them. Quitting something is a lot easier than learning moderation, because moderation requires discipline. And there lies the core of this problem: many people don't know discipline.

Of course it's easy to point fingers at others without ever taking any self-criticism. And I'll admit, I myself am probably considered obese and probably can be deemed a hypocrite. I do have my own addictions and bad habits that need some work. But I am trying to better myself. And as a person who is considered a moderate drinker and a "social" smoker, it's a lot easier to point fingers at others. However, as someone who knows how to moderately drink, I can say that I find myself embarrassed to see so many people at bars that can't hold their liquor, especially the younger people who have just started their crusades as partying 21-year-olds. And, of course, being someone who is able to go months without smoking a single cigarette and still be considered a smoker is a paradox to most.

I'm not going to pretend to know what goes through other people's minds. But I still feel I need to address the lack of moderation I see in others. Many classify themselves as addicts as a course of blame and sympathy. In many cases, it's not addiction; it's a lack of self-control. Too many are looking for scapegoats such as addictions or the companies. I am constantly filled with annoyance as I read another story of someone suing a company for their health problems. We all know the risks and we all know when we consume too much. It's time to start taking responsibility.

Under The Radar: A Tribe Called Quest (Nov. 2007)

Originally published for the Bismarck State College Mystician back in November, 2007.

Genre: Indie Rap/Hip-Hop

These days, rap bridges into mainstream music through a repertoire of collective gimmicks. Rappers rely on bells and whistles such as spouting off catch phrases, repeating unoriginal choruses, "borrowing" lyrics and samples from previous songs. Go back 10 years or so, one would that the rap and hip-hop scene was very different. Alongside mainstream rappers like 2pac, Biggie and Ice Cube – who all showed impressive skills – there was a growing underground scene focused on more positive lyrical themes. One such group was A Tribe Called Quest.

Back in the 90s, A Tribe Called Quest emerged out of a growing underground scene. Tribe had originated from a collective group of rappers known as the Native Tongues Posse. These were artists focused around positive themes and more earthly beats and melodies. Among them were veterans such as De Le Soul and Jungle Brothers. They revolutionized the idea of sampling jazz and funk into their music. Their open forum of musical experimentation paved the way for the Instrumental Rap genre and its pioneers such as Mos Def.

A Tribe Called Quest sampled anything and everything and were known for obscure, yet oddly developed musical structure. Their lyrical style originally evolved from old school free-styling, incorporating many topical themes and upbeat positive imagery. While it evolved from traditional hip-hop of the 80s, the sound was considered unique at the time. Rap had recently taken a harder turn, with new acts such as Ice Cube focusing on misogyny, drugs and gang violence. Tribe's take on the hip-hop scene is said to have influenced many acts such as modern indie-rappers Little Brother and Slum Village, as well as more secular acts like Black Eyed Peas and Kanye West.

It was in 1990 that Tribe released their first full-length album, People's Instinctive Travels and the Paths of Rhythm. The record got a great response from critics; however, it went unnoticed by most mainstream listeners at the time. Their single off the record "Can I Kick It" would finally get the group a little bit of well deserved attention.

After the group put out their next album, The Low End Theory, they became known for focusing on social themes such as racism. gang violence and date rape. Over the years, the group was enthralled with afrocentric issues and the controversies stemming out of secular rap. They grew especially concerned over the rivalry of east-coast and west-coast rappers.

Tribe called it quits in 1998 after releasing their fifth album, The Love Movement. The break-up was partly attributed to group member Phife Dawg's growing reluctance for the music. In an interview for the website Listd (www.listd.net) Phife said, "I started feelin' like I didn't fit in anymore . . . music felt like a job."

The group reunited in 2006 and held several sold out concerts. The group has yet to announce any possible upcoming reunions.

Latest Album:
The Love Movement

Notable Tracks:
"Can I Kick It?"
"Scenario"
"Buggin' Out"
"Jazz(We've Got)"