As a third year student in college, I've come to acquire some new wisdom. The college experience is known for expanding the mind to broad new subjects. However, there is a subject that – to this day – my mind is incapable of wrapping around: relationships. Despite years of observing people, I'm nowhere closer to understanding the opposite sex. This isn't your typical joke of men never understanding the "mystery" that is women. I just thought by now I would have a little more insight on what exactly relationships are. The reason for these issues arise from the fact that I have so little experience in this area.
My life could be written into a self-help book on how not to approach women and develop relationships. For years, I've experienced every form of rejection: a simple no, harsh laughter and resentful avoidance. I've even received rejection in the form of pepper-spray once.
The question I have: "is it worth even being involved with women?" Outside of propagation and the sociological and economical ideals of marriage, what does anyone get out of being involved with the opposite sex? We seem to live in a society where people are afraid to be alone.
I wish there was something more to it. Everyone talks about looking for that "connection." But what is that connection? Is there some tangible emotion when you're around that person who "completes you?" For years I've been trying to connect with others, not necessarily to find "the one," but to find someone who can at least tolerate me.
I guess my own jaded perspective originates from my own fallacies in the relationship department. I've never been in a "true" relationship. And for the longest time, I've always blamed myself. My conflict is that I've never been able to approach women very well. Example: I see an attractive girl in one of my classes. After a few eye glances and brief moments of speech, I ponder approaching her and starting a conversation.
"How's it going?" I say.
"Pretty good," she'll say in an innocent but unenthusiastic tone.
Then it happens: the awkward silence. I sit there for a moment trying to think of something to say and then the creepiness factor sinks in and she says,
"Talk to you later."
She walks away.
That one moment marked the important "first impression" and I blew it.
She will now sit on the opposite side of the room, never give me a single glance and avoid crossing my path once more.
I am not good at thinking of things to say on the fly and I'm not able to plan what to say ahead of time and not sound scripted.
I've always wondered whether or not I give off some creepy guy vibe. I've had to spend some time analyzing myself personally and can admit that I'm shy. I'm considered a hopeless romantic. And despite all the romantic comedies that show the nice guy winning in the end, that's rarely the case. I've always heard how college is the time where people finally realize that the one with the nice personality is a better investment in the long run than that lovely, hunk of a jerk.
I've been told for years that the right person will come along eventually. I have to give it time and I'll supposedly meet that right person. I'm only 21. I've got many years to continue searching for "the one." My only concern is that my lack of experience may hold back my quest. Sp, I'm forced to observe other relationships for reference. And I've got to tell you, what I've seen for from others, things don't look so good.
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