Originally published for the Bismarck State College Mystician back in February, 2008.
A brand new year has dawned and February is already here. That means Valentine's Day is coming and we can already feel the "love." Something is in the air alright, but it's not love. That's just the naive children shilling out handfuls of cash on their new piece of eye candy.
Many can surely guess that "investing in love and relationships" is not on New Year's resolution list. Some readers might remember the column I wrote back in October on my relationship dilemma. Well, I'm here to report that not much has changed, except for my growing disdain towards the concept.
Keep in mind, though, I don't have a cold heart. If the right girl comes along, I'm not going to push her away. It's just that I have no interest in actively searching. What reason would I have? I have become alarmed in what I have seen in other relationships and feel that I do not need to be a part of that melodrama.
I like to observe to people. I know that sounds creepy, but people intrigue me. Whenever I'm out in the community I like to observe the various unique behaviors and interactions among the people around me. One of the funniest places to observe are bars. You can truly see how deep some men are when it comes to initializing a relationship. I don't even need to drink to be entertained; the sights before me are enough at times.
I find myself enthralled with the "alpha" male's struggling and epic journey while on the hunt. He cunningly prowls across the jungle they call a dance floor. He swiftly pounces upon an unexpecting prey in the far left corner of the floor – too concerned with shaking her "booty" to beat alongside her girlfriends. She continues to chat amongst her "pack" as he makes a motion to her. Disgusted, this "refined" lady turns away from the undeserving, lowly example of the male species – until her last two strawberry daiquiris start to kick in. After the two partake in the traditional tribal grind to Baby Bash's new single, the male is satisfied in her ability to "move her body like a cyclone." The two sit alone and the male begins swooning his female, which involves getting the female to ingest a few more shots of liquor. Thus the mating ritual is complete. We can all figure out what happens next.
Surely a bar is not the best example of deep relationships, but they make up a majority of the shallow ones. And despite this one example, there are quite a few more varied experiences and observations that have me disinterested. I see younger kids who jump the gun way too soon in relationships. Three of my close friends are already engaged. One just happens to be one of my best friends. And though I'm happy for him, I pray the two actually make it. I've seen in my extended family just how bad the "marrying the high school sweetheart" scenario can go.
One problem with younger relationships is that they may have experienced enough to know the troubles they will face in married life. Some marry simply out of passion and though it may sound cold and heartless, love is not enough to survive marriage. Marriage is about commitment, compatibility and the means to maintain a household. I hate to say it, but most young couples – despite being in love – are not compatible in the long run. Passionate love can be the worst. Marriage relies on rationality, something passionate people tend to lack. An even worse scenario is when someone passionate or emotional marries someone who is more stoic and logical. Sometimes they may balance each other, but this isn't always the cause. I've seen this example in one of the most influential relationships in my life and – believe me – when a fight comes, expect to see guns ablazing.
I suppose in the long run, this is all just trivial. Valentine's Day is such a ridiculous excuse to pursue or validate a relationship. And though it sucks to always be the third, fifth or whatever wheel among all my friends, I don't wish to rush myself into hunting down a relationship just for the trend. I want something more meaningful than that. Given my lack of charisma or classic good looks, just going for a quick hook-up is not something I'll probably succeed at anyway. Instead, I'll continue in investing time in myself and growing as a person. Then when the right one comes along, I can work on developing a deeper relationship.
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